Posted in Archive, October 2020

The Grief – Acceptance Cycle

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Being diagnosed with a chronic illness, for the majority of people, stirs up a lot of emotions. Its a process we all go through at different rates, and there is no wrong or right way about it. With illness there is often a sense of loss of normality, for every individual that’s different depending on your condition and what symptoms your experiencing. I really wished I had been given a heads up back when I first got ill about the grief I would feel, for the profound sense of loss I would experience. I fell into a really deep depression and for a long time was in denial thinking that somehow I was just going to wake up one day and be able to return to my Midwifery degree. If you go back to some of the first blog posts I ever wrote on this site it’s really quite easy to pinpoint which part of the Grief cycle I was in.

I turned to a combination of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Mindful Meditation to help me come to terms with my health and my new reality. This was a good mix and after a fair amount of time had passed I reached acceptance. Now don’t get me wrong I still had blips, a friend would announce they had decided to train as a midwife, or I’d find my old coursework in a clear-out and I’d slip mentally for a few days, but I would always be able to pick myself back up again. However what I didn’t expect, and again I wish I had been warned that this was a possibility, was that with each new diagnosis that got slapped on to me, and with every new symptom that became clear was on a downward path and here to stay; that I would find myself having to repeat the Grief cycle again.

It of course make sense that you would have to. You are after all experiencing a loss of sorts again. Mentally and physically its challenging and draining. It is natural for you to grieve, to be angry, to want to challenge what your going through until you reach some sort of acceptance. I’ve found myself going through this again recently. I’m on my 7th bout of Optic Neuritis, along with loss of all sensation in my right leg; I have next to no use of it currently. My local neuro team suspect MS but are investigating fully for all demylation diseases to ensure nothing is missed. Finding myself once again with more limitations, really sent me spinning. I found myself asking why over and over again. I felt like I needed an explanation because it seemed insane to have yet another condition added to my already extensive list. I’ve not reached acceptance yet, but I’m remembering my mindfulness and I’m defiantly moving through the stages quicker this time.

If I had to give one tip to someone newly diagnosed with a chronic illness it would simply be to kind to yourself and to remember to practice self care. Your allowed to grieve, its natural, don’t beat yourself up. Make sure you don’t bottle your emotions up, confide in someone you trust. you will feel better for it.

Posted in Archive, March 2013

Disgusting Medical Care

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I am seriously fed up with and disgusted by the treatment I receive from the medical profession! Even my GP, who is usually in my good books, has appalled me. Since 2:45pm yesterday afternoon my jaw has been clamped shut and deviated. I cannot eat, drink or even take my medication and have not done so since that time yesterday! We asked my GP to do a home visit, and after feeling my pulse and stomach he left. He claimed that he was sure my jaw would go back eventually and that he did not know what to suggest.

I know that eventually my jaw will go back. Eventually being the key word. We do not know how long it will take for my jaw to EVENTUALLY go back. I have not had a drink of water or taken any medication in almost 27 hours now. How long do they expect me to go without fluid or medication? Surly the logical thing to do is to admit me into hospital put an IV and administer me fluids, my meds and muscle relaxants/pain relief???

I do not understand why I should have to accept and put up with such disgusting treatment! I am disgusted and highly irritated!

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